In which Dan takes over my playlist

Tom Petty Concert, June 2008

On Saturday, I had the house to myself for a few hours.  This is a rare thing.  I opened up all of the windows and turned on Pandora, ready to do some much-needed spring cleaning.  Here are the songs that Pandora “randomly” selected for me:

1. “Man on the Moon” (REM): This is the song that I listened to on my way home from Abington Hospital, after Dan’s 2005 liver resection.
2. “Learning to Fly” (Tom Petty):  Mark and Paul surprised Dan with Tom Petty tickets as a Penn State graduation gift.
3. “Losing my Religion” (REM): As mentioned here, Dan and I had a REM connection... and when Pat was going through the DVD/ CD collection, he found one of my CD's.
4. “Pictures of You” (The Cure): No Dan connection per se, but I have been pouring over pictures a lot in the past few months. ("There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more
   than to never feel the breaking apart- all my pictures of you.")
5. “Jeremy” (Pearl Jam): The part that made this one especially eerie was that the song was a recording of the State College concert in May 2003.  Dan was at this concert.  His voice is a part of the roaring of the crowd.    

Once I realized this, I decided that I had dusted enough for one day and I turned the radio off.

It is hard to describe how I felt when the room was quiet again.  My thoughts were full of Dan.  Nothing specific, just his smile. I missed him very much, but for once, these thoughts did not bring a wave of tears.  I looked out to the yard, felt the breeze flowing over my face, and thanked him for saying hello.

* * * 

In other Saturday Shenanigans, a horse named Wise Dan won the Woodford Reserve for the second year in a row.  (This race is run as a part of the Kentucky Derby Festival.) 

Meet Me at the Movies

  

Tonight we welcome my brother, Pat, to the blog. 

A few weeks ago, I went over to my parents' house to have cheesesteaks and do our yearly Family Commentary on the Charlton Heston Ten Commandments movie. During pre-dinner drinks, my mom asked if I wanted to go through Dan's box of DVDs and games to see if there was something I might want. As I went through it, I started tearing up. I remembered several were movies that Dan had asked me to get him for Christmas or his birthday over the years. I started remembering how he started telling everybody “I'm your huckleberry” after watching Tombstone, rolling on the floor of Doggie Dad and -Mom-Mom's shore house laughing with me and our cousins at History of the World Part I and Blazing Saddles (and at Uncle Chris' attempts to shout over the language), or making the whole house shake when he watched Braveheart or Boondock Saints.

One of Dan's favorites was the Rocky series. He once told me his favorite mesage behind the movies wasn't about winning, but simply going the distance and proving to yourself and to everyone you're not a pushover. Dan proved that more times than I can count from the sports he played, the ROTC, and his final round. Like Micky from the movies, I was left saying to myself “I don't care what them doctors said, He's the man who won the fight!”

Over the last month I've seen how people have looked to find ways to remember Dan. Laura with the MACSTRONG bands and this website, Moira with her jewelery. I wanted my own keepsake to remember Dan in addition to all the memories of watching movies with him.

I found this:

When I wear it, I'll think of Dan imitating Burgess Meredith and saying: 

"It's gotta be like a, like an angel on your shoulder see? If you ever get hurt and you feel that you're goin' down this little angel is gonna whisper in your ear. It's gonna say, 'Get up you big nerd 'cause Danny loves you'."

Drive

Lots of the Five Points Hellfish softball supplies lived in Dan's car. Here is Dan during a 2013 Hellfish softball game.

When the winter weather finally broke, my parents washed their cars. They also cleaned out Dan's car, which he had actually been driving up until the day before he went into the hospital the last time.

My parents were astounded at what they found in the car: a canopy, several beach chairs, a bag toss set, a duffel bag from the fishing trip, several phillies hats, and his softball equipment.  Who knew you could fit a party into a Chevy Cobalt?

Now that the car is de-personalized, it is easier to drive. (Although I am still terrified of hurting one of his things.) On Saturday, I decided to take it on 309 for a bit. I rolled down the windows and pulled up REM's "Living Well is the Best Revenge" on the iPod. I smiled, remembering that Dan had sent me a link to this song when it was released as a single. I bought the CD to listen to on the way to his Penn State graduation.

I think that the car is used to having a more aggressive driver than I am, and I think it is used to going on cooler adventures than to trader joes on a Saturday. I know that Ben would have a fit if I turned the trunk into a permanent traveling party. But I hope to be able to try some new things this summer, and I think Dan would be happy to know that I'm living well. He certainly wasn't one to sit and stare.

Since I can't find the pictures that I KNOW I have of Dan in his car, here is a picture of him in a silly hat under one his canopy during a fishing trip, a few minutes before it collapsed in the rain.

Thanking Dan's Care Team

My Mom took Dan to his treatments over the year that he was on chemotherapy.  I am in awe of her strength- that she is able to visit the nursing staff to say thank you.

For many weeks I've been trying to come up with a thank you gift for the nurses in the infusion room who took such good care of Dan. Yesterday while shopping at Kohl's I bought a frame for Dan's skydiving picture/Laura' inspirational saying. I printed the picture when I got home, framed it and hung it on the wall. This morning as I admired my handiwork, I realized what the nurse gift would be. I took down the picture, wrapped it and took it to Fox Chase with a handwritten note and Dan's prayer card tucked inside. As luck would have it (or Dan), one of the nurses who took care of him the most was there to receive the gift. She was a bit overwhelmed and said the picture will find a place to inspire others. Some how this turned out to be the perfect gift - thanks for the intervention, Dan! Next week I will head back to Kohl's and choose another frame. Who knows where this one will end up??????????

Regards,
Judy

Read more about Fox Chase Cancer Center, and some of their initiatives, here.

Growing up with Dan on Easter

Lauch Cousins at the Coll House, Easter 1989

Easter Basket made with the Cub Scouts

When I think back to Easter as we were growing up, a few things come to mind.  Dying eggs while listening to Jesus Christ Superstar, my Dad yodelling about the bitter herbs in the Ten Commandments, buying ride tickets on the Boardwalk, and the morning Easter Egg Hunt.  Dan won the Easter Egg Hunt more than Pat and I did, combined.  I wish I could say that he was a gracious winner... but of course, he couldn't help dancing, cheering, and driving Pat crazy. More often than not, he would also find the "bonus" egg.  In our house, the Easter Bunny hid small Nestle chocolate crunch eggs.  The bonus egg would be wrapped in silver foil. The Easter Bunny must have had a lot of fun coming up with places to hide that egg over the years!







Another Easter tradition was to purchase flowers.  Dan and I walked to the store with the boys' wagon and Mom's leather change purse to purchase the Easter flowers at Cumberland Farms.  I can still smell the aroma of the hyacinths, lilies, and tulips in that little garage on 2nd Street. After the Egg Hunt and a tasty breakfast, we would dress up in new outfits and deliver the flowers to our grandmothers and aunts. There was always a purple hyacinth for Mom's cousin Jennie as well.

This year, I bought the Easter flowers with another little helper, who bears a striking resemblance to his Uncle Dan.  This will also be the first year that I bought Easter flowers FOR Dan. I will be visiting the cemetery on Saturday morning, and delivering flowers to my family and my friend, Gus. I found a little something to take with Dan's yellow tulips: a plastic gold egg. Perfect for our Egg Hunt Champion.

Dan has won more than the Easter Egg Hunt this Easter.

Added a little something to Dan's Flowers

Easter Flowers 2014