Happy Festivus, Buddy

The 8th Night

2014: PA

Tonight was the eighth night of Chanukah, so it felt appropriate to share these photos from a few Chankah's ago.

One of Dan's favorite actors was Adam Sandler, and once a year, he would love to blast the Chanukah Song in order to culture us. Later, he would say that it was "for Ben."

Adam Sandler 1994

In December 2012, Dan had a very bad scare and ended up in the ICU at Fox Chase. The day that he got sick happened to be the first night of Chanukah.  I don't want to dwell on everything that happened that week, but one thing I kept telling Dan was that he could only have eight crazy nights in the ICU. (Adam Sandler talks about the "eight crazy nights" in his song.) We actually found an electric menorah in the hospital lobby so Ben could "light" the candles.

Dan got out of the ICU around sundown for the eight night of Chanukah. Quite a coincidence.

The prayer for the first night of Chanukah says, "Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, who has granted us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this occasion." We certainly had a lot of family and friends who helped to sustain us that week, too.  We were very grateful, and we wanted to show it.

So Ben and I gathered together all of the menorahs that we owned (8 at last count) and we decided to light ALL of them. We usually only light one or two per year.

Diz tries to count to 63.

One of them is battery powered but that still meant that we had to light 63 candles. We had a big bay window in our home in DE, which was perfect for this.  Somehow we managed to light them all, without burning ourselves (or the house down!) It made a giant mess.

Loved seeing all of them lit up together.

-Nes Gadol Hayah Poh

(A great miracle happened here.)

December Tree Update

Handle with Care

A few years ago, my brother Pat moved into his first apartment. Due to fire code regulations, he had to use an artificial tree. We passed down the one from our first apartment to him.

Pat's first family gathering that he hosted was a party to decorate his tree. We all brought some ornaments to start his collection. I found some elongated balls at the Philadelphia Christmas Village that reminded me of my Grandma, so I bought them.

The following year, Dan and Shannon had their own tree. They bought it after two hospital stays for Dan. When people wanted to give him things when he got home, he declined most offers of food but did ask for ornaments. I had already purchased him an ornament in Disney, but after that I kind of went a little bit overboard buying ornaments. (But really, how many times can you say that your brother pulled off a miracle?) Even though my brothers are grown up now, I sometimes feel like I have to get them similar things, so I also went back to the Christmas Village. I got him some the same ornaments I got Pat, but in different shades. (Pat's are more primary colored, Dan's are more muted.) It seemed like everyone else went a little crazy with the ornament purchases that year. They had a gorgeous tree. It shined with love of family and friends, and of hope for a better year.

Dan was determined to get his Christmas on that year. I couldn't believe how much shopping he did and how well he held up after being in the hospital for such an extended period of time. He actually made fun of me for being so far behind in my Christmas preparations in 2012. (Commuting between DE and PA for hospital visits for a week will do that!) he called me several times when he was shopping that year, to exchange ideas.

Things changed again in 2013, and Dan ended up spending Christmas with our parents. I think they bought their biggest tree to date that year. (Pat named it Treezilla.) They didn't have enough ornaments to decorate Treezilla so they used some of Dan's. It was nice to see the elongated balls shining on the tree. A little bit of Grandma, a little bit of hope. Mom kept Dan's ornaments separate for him to use again someday. He was determined to get better and have his own tree again in 2014.

I went back to the Christmas Village this year and I saw the wall of ornaments. The trees have changed over time (Pat replaced our 14 year old tree this year) and the cast of characters at our Christmases has evolved. Even though I didn't want to set up the tree at all this year, I actually did it a little earlier than usual. I unpacked a few ornaments that Dan had given me over the years that had hung on trees on 3rd Street, two homes in DE, and are now back in PA 10 years later.  They remind me that he is still here. Not in a piece of plastic or on a glass ball.  But in the memories that we have, and the stories we share.

The Spice of Life

A few days ago, I decided to go Christmas shopping in Chestnut Hill.  I’ve been avoiding the malls and my “normal” shopping locations this year because of the memories that are triggered.  But I needed a walk and thought that shopping in a different place would be “safe,” and I have wanted to return to the Hill since Harry Potter Day a few months ago.  Plus, the boys were out for the day so I could wander at my own pace.

The first place that I visited was Penzey’s Spice Shop.  I spent a few minutes browsing and ended up next to the barbecue section.  I took the lid off of one of the sample jars and sniffed. Mmm… cumin, oregano, hickory smoke, and a bit of a spicy kick… I could get this for Dan…

BAM.

For a few seconds, I had a very vivid memory of standing next to Dan at the barbecue behind his and Shannon’s apartment.  He had made London broil that night and was talking to be about his “secret” spice mix for the marinade.  A little of this, a little of that.  How he made a “less spicy” one for people who “couldn’t take heat.” It was so typical to find Dan next to the grill, and he could not resist the urge to check up on a grill when he wasn’t in charge.  He also couldn’t resist the urge to make sure that everyone would walk away from one of his barbecues stuffed.  If one burger was good, then a steak, a burger, and some clams were even better! (He had a thing for Vidalia Onion Bubba Burgers.) This was one of those little moments that I’d forgotten about.  One of those little quiet moments that I’d taken for granted, because it was so normal. And for a few seconds, I was back there.  I could smell the charcoal and hear the sizzling and watch him play with the food because he could not stand still.  

The whole incident couldn’t have lasted more than 90 seconds and then I was back in a brightly lit shop holding a big jar of spices in my hand.  I felt a little bit shaken, and I had to walk around a little bit before I could continue shopping. This is the first time that I have ever had that strong of a reaction to a scent.

As I finished my shopping, I thought of how it was Dan who first introduced me to the idea of going out for barbecue. The last time I ate out with him was at Sweet Lucy’s.  We had made plans to go to the Tiki Bar with Jon and Stacie in the summer of 2014, so we could grill our own meals.  Another thing that I didn't get to do. Later, I read on some bereavement forums that some people keep something that their loved one wore close to them to feel their presence, or a jar of favorite cologne to smell.  Apparently for me, the scent of barbecue is what it takes to bring back a little bit of my brother. 

I bought a jar.