The holiday season is upon us, and it has made me think a lot about the past year in a more introspective way. As I thought about everything that had happened in the wake of Dan's death, I reflected on the many kindnesses that we have received in the past few months that have made things a lot easier for us. There have been some true "Footprints" moments over the past 9 months.
One of the first of these occurred during the last week of Dan's life, when I reached out to an online friend who makes custom stamped jewelry. I asked her to make me a bracelet with the phrase "Macstrong" on it. It came out so well that I asked her to make 4 more for my parents and my brothers. She rush ordered 4 bracelets and sent them via express mail to me from Nevada. Despite the awful weather that we had at the beginning of February, they arrived on February 7th, and I was able to slip that bracelet on Dan's arm in time for him to admire it. Autumn will never know what this simple act of kindness meant to me and my family.
The random acts of kindness continued in the mall, when I was shopping for outfits to wear to the funeral. My stress about this particular errand was magnified by the fact that there was a ton of snow on the ground, and I had never driven in the snow until this year. At one point I collapsed in a chair at Stride Rite, and asked for "anything in size 10 that did not light up." I had a pair of $50 shoes in my hand and was willing to buy them just to get back to my house. The salesman asked me why my son needed new dress shoes, and I explained what had happened. He disappeared into the back room, and appeared with a nearly identical pair of shoes that "just happened" to be marked down to $19.
My first day back at work was a very difficult day. I had so many people stop by to check up on me, or give me hugs, or tell me stories about losses that they have had. I was ready to collapse into bed by the time I picked up Diz at school. But when I got home, there was a box of gourmet chocolates from an extended cousin. The chocolates themselves were wonderful, but the timing of the gift was absolutely perfect.
Of course, there is the story of how we came to own a baby beech tree.
When I first took possession of Dan's car, I took it to our local mechanic and asked him to give it a good look over. I explained that I had inherited the car, and that the previous owner had probably been unable to keep up with upkeep during the past year. He spent a few hours going over the car, and then proceeded to "forget" to charge me for diagnostic fees. Driving Dan's car has presented its own emotional issues, but at least the mechanics of transferring ownership have made the process a little easier.
There have been many, many instances where friends or coworkers have watched a seemingly random thing cause tears, and they have allowed me to cry and put myself back together. They have listened to me tell Dan story after Dan story, and let me smile about the good times.
These are just a few of the little moments that have helped me since February. While I wish that I never was in this position, I am extremely thankful for the large and small kindnesses I have received over the past year. I thank the Lord that there have been so many people watching out for us. And I know that even though I am still very sad, that it is my turn to try to help others when they are in need. In a way, this is an extension of Dan's reasoning behind buying Scout popcorn and cookies: that you had to help others when you could, so that one day, they would do the same for someone else. In this small way, Dan continues to teach and inspire. I'm thankful for that, too.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Thankful for Dan
In the wake of Dan's passing, it is sometimes hard to remember that those of us who have been left behind have a lot to be thankful for. It is probably because he himself gave us so much to be thankful for that we miss him so much.
For me, I am especially thankful for those 7 cancer-free years between Dan's two cancer diagnoses. While I have a lot of good memories of growing up with Dan (and a lot of memories of us wanting to kill each other!) we became a lot closer after he got sick the first time, especially after his car accident.
So while I miss Danny horribly, I am especially grateful that I got to enjoy those extra years with him. (This is actually rare for people with Fibrolamellar.) We got to see him graduate from Penn State. He got to see the Phillies win the World Series. He got to be an uncle. He raced in 5 Livestrong Challenges. He got to attend many parties and made many people laugh. He started the Festivus tradition. He got to fall in love.
Thanksgiving was very difficult in some ways this year. I tried to keep myself very busy so I wouldn't have time to dwell on this, but it didn't work as well as I'd have liked it to. I missed chatting with Dan about the food. I missed the off-color jokes at the kids' table. But we still had a "rowdy" table, and we still got to see the family. And Dan shaped the day in subtle ways. Some of the dishes included spices or oils that Dan gave me for Christmas last year. Poo made his beloved mushroom turnovers. But there were other new things, too.
Dan packed so much joy into his too short life. I am so thankful that I got to have a small part of it.
For me, I am especially thankful for those 7 cancer-free years between Dan's two cancer diagnoses. While I have a lot of good memories of growing up with Dan (and a lot of memories of us wanting to kill each other!) we became a lot closer after he got sick the first time, especially after his car accident.
So while I miss Danny horribly, I am especially grateful that I got to enjoy those extra years with him. (This is actually rare for people with Fibrolamellar.) We got to see him graduate from Penn State. He got to see the Phillies win the World Series. He got to be an uncle. He raced in 5 Livestrong Challenges. He got to attend many parties and made many people laugh. He started the Festivus tradition. He got to fall in love.
Thanksgiving was very difficult in some ways this year. I tried to keep myself very busy so I wouldn't have time to dwell on this, but it didn't work as well as I'd have liked it to. I missed chatting with Dan about the food. I missed the off-color jokes at the kids' table. But we still had a "rowdy" table, and we still got to see the family. And Dan shaped the day in subtle ways. Some of the dishes included spices or oils that Dan gave me for Christmas last year. Poo made his beloved mushroom turnovers. But there were other new things, too.
Dan packed so much joy into his too short life. I am so thankful that I got to have a small part of it.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
You Say Po-TA-toe
Found this sweet potato that looked like a football and had to buy it for you. Lots of emotions today.
The Wazoo
I was riding a bus in Denver when the bus announced, "Next stop, Wazee Street." (Pronounced Waz-ee.) I had to get off the bus to capture this!
My Mom used to call Dan the Grand Wazoo, after the character in the Flintstones. When Dan got a cat, he named the cat Wazy... after himself. That cat shared a lot of Dan's personality... including his great love of FOOD.
My Mom used to call Dan the Grand Wazoo, after the character in the Flintstones. When Dan got a cat, he named the cat Wazy... after himself. That cat shared a lot of Dan's personality... including his great love of FOOD.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Friday, November 7, 2014
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