Thanking Dan's Care Team

My Mom took Dan to his treatments over the year that he was on chemotherapy.  I am in awe of her strength- that she is able to visit the nursing staff to say thank you.

For many weeks I've been trying to come up with a thank you gift for the nurses in the infusion room who took such good care of Dan. Yesterday while shopping at Kohl's I bought a frame for Dan's skydiving picture/Laura' inspirational saying. I printed the picture when I got home, framed it and hung it on the wall. This morning as I admired my handiwork, I realized what the nurse gift would be. I took down the picture, wrapped it and took it to Fox Chase with a handwritten note and Dan's prayer card tucked inside. As luck would have it (or Dan), one of the nurses who took care of him the most was there to receive the gift. She was a bit overwhelmed and said the picture will find a place to inspire others. Some how this turned out to be the perfect gift - thanks for the intervention, Dan! Next week I will head back to Kohl's and choose another frame. Who knows where this one will end up??????????

Regards,
Judy

Read more about Fox Chase Cancer Center, and some of their initiatives, here.

Growing up with Dan on Easter

Lauch Cousins at the Coll House, Easter 1989

Easter Basket made with the Cub Scouts

When I think back to Easter as we were growing up, a few things come to mind.  Dying eggs while listening to Jesus Christ Superstar, my Dad yodelling about the bitter herbs in the Ten Commandments, buying ride tickets on the Boardwalk, and the morning Easter Egg Hunt.  Dan won the Easter Egg Hunt more than Pat and I did, combined.  I wish I could say that he was a gracious winner... but of course, he couldn't help dancing, cheering, and driving Pat crazy. More often than not, he would also find the "bonus" egg.  In our house, the Easter Bunny hid small Nestle chocolate crunch eggs.  The bonus egg would be wrapped in silver foil. The Easter Bunny must have had a lot of fun coming up with places to hide that egg over the years!







Another Easter tradition was to purchase flowers.  Dan and I walked to the store with the boys' wagon and Mom's leather change purse to purchase the Easter flowers at Cumberland Farms.  I can still smell the aroma of the hyacinths, lilies, and tulips in that little garage on 2nd Street. After the Egg Hunt and a tasty breakfast, we would dress up in new outfits and deliver the flowers to our grandmothers and aunts. There was always a purple hyacinth for Mom's cousin Jennie as well.

This year, I bought the Easter flowers with another little helper, who bears a striking resemblance to his Uncle Dan.  This will also be the first year that I bought Easter flowers FOR Dan. I will be visiting the cemetery on Saturday morning, and delivering flowers to my family and my friend, Gus. I found a little something to take with Dan's yellow tulips: a plastic gold egg. Perfect for our Egg Hunt Champion.

Dan has won more than the Easter Egg Hunt this Easter.

Added a little something to Dan's Flowers

Easter Flowers 2014

What Would You Do?

At the beginning of the year, one of my bosses asked me to read Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. Although my opinions of the book were mixed, a major theme from the book has remained with me after I finished reading. There is a sign on the wall in Facebook’s headquarters that reads, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” A quick Internet search found a copy of the sign:

Sign from FB Headquarters

 

I am shy and have a tendency to hang back instead of jumping into social situations.  I could probably use a boost in confidence in my professional life as well.  In this way, Dan was my opposite.  He was NEVER shy, and while he thought carefully about his actions, he did not over think them.  As a result, Dan managed to enjoy his life in a rather full way. Dan gave life his all. He always looked for ways to make his work life better, eventually landing a job with an amazing, compassionate company.  He worked hard on keeping in touch with his friends during a time when they were all starting their own lives with jobs and families of their own.  He went skydiving a few days before his second cancer diagnosis.  He played softball after losing 40 pounds on chemo.  I am not saying that Dan was never afraid.  But he overcame any reservations and was able to do so many good things. 

I printed out the Facebook quote to hang in my office, as a reminder to be more confident.  The text looked bland on its own.  And then I had an idea. Who better to serve as an example of conquering my fears?  So I added a picture of Dan, soaring through the sky with a fantastic grin on his face. I am not ready to follow his example to go skydiving... but I will try to not be as shy at that next meeting!

My new office artwork

A Beautiful Tribute

Last picture of the McLaughlin Cousins- June 2009.  Moira is seated, second from left.

 Today's post was contributed by my Aunt Theresa. 

There may have been some heavenly shenanigans going on today.  Ever since Dan's funeral, Moira has worn a little yellow every day to keep the memory of Dan close.  Usually, that has been in the form of a yellow ponytail holder that she wears as a bracelet.  I suggested that she could make a real bracelet that would be nicer than that.  So, today we headed to Michael's to look at their jewelry supplies, thinking maybe she'd make a stretchy bracelet of yellow beads, or maybe a black one with a single yellow bead.  Well, we were overwhelmed by all the options, and a bit distracted by all the pretty beads and charms.  Strangely enough, we didn't see any beads that were Livestrong yellow, except for some cheesy plastic ones.  We went through the whole jewelry-making section 3 times, debating what to do.  Moira eventually decided on a particular style that she'd like to make, so we then looked for beads that would work for that.  I told her to look for something that speaks to her.  While once again looking over a selection of glass beads, I expressed frustration at the lack of any solid yellow ones.  Polka dots wouldn't do.  I pointed out a swirly-looking one and said it's the right yellow, but too bad it's just a swirl in a clear bead.  Moira took the card it was on, spun the bead around and said, "It's a yellow flower - like the ones Dan was buried with."  When I looked closer, I saw that she was right.  Sold.  I then pointed out a green one and asked if she wanted to add that as a symbol of liver cancer.  She liked that idea, and then wanted to find another yellow flower bead to put on the other side of the green one.  But the one she had spun around was the only bead of that type that looked like a flower.  So I said that maybe we could find a Celtic cross or something, since Dan was proud of his Irish heritage.  We were perusing the same wall yet again, when Moira excitedly noticed that there was a four-leaf clover on the same card as the green bead we'd picked out.  Not a shamrock, but close enough.  We looked at each other and said, "This is kinda spooky."  She had been looking for something that "speaks to her", and found these beads that we had both looked right past before.  It really made us feel weird in a physical way, and goose bumps rose on my arms.  Who'd have thought Dan would help Moira design a bracelet?

Moira's Bracelet- A Beautiful and Unique Tribute to Dan

Dan's Flag

2013 Red Barron Memorial Fishing Trip Attendees with Lineup of Shirts on the Yurt

Dan setting the flags up on the site.

 This post was written by my Mom, Judy.

On Sunday I was going through some of Dan's stuff when I came across his LIVESTRONG bag. He had not unpacked and the tears started to flow as I found two Unker shirts (red and yellow), a green Phillies visor, a deck of cards, a bag of change and the Don't Tread on Me flag. As I held the flag to my chest I cried quite hard wishing  in some way I could call out to him and tell him, "I found your flag!" Then the Mom in me took over and I became angry that he had not unpacked and put his stuff away.

Now that I have had some time to calm down and put this in perspective, maybe this is one of those Dan signs letting me know he is ok. Mom, I've gone to play poker and fish with angels. Don't worry, I'm in good hands.

Regards,
Judy

Dan's Flag

Signs of Dan in South Carolina

Our first guest post was submitted by my cousin, Lex, from her sister's graduation from basic training.  Noel left for training about a week before Dan passed away, and was unable to travel to Philadelphia for the funeral. 

Today at Noel's graduation we were in the car and she was saying how she was upset she couldn't be there to say her goodbyes. Just then we pulled on to Daniel street. We took it as a sign he was there supporting her and saying he understood.

Buttercups

Buttercups!

Whenever asked, Dan would say that his "colors" were black and yellow. (Livestrong colors.) To honor this, we incorporated a lot of yellow into his memorial service. The photo boards were black with yellow trim to replicate the Livestrong logo, and we asked family members to wear a touch of yellow to the service.  Almost all of the flowers were white and yellow. Nancy and Ronnie purchased a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses for the memorial gathering that they graciously hosted. As guests left the lunch, Nancy gave them flowers from the bouquet and reminded them to "share the love."

I woke up on Saturday morning after a few days of rain to find that our back yard was covered with buttercups.  I looked to the left and to the right and I saw that the buttercups stretched throughout the neighborhood.  I do not remember seeing buttercups at all in the yard last year. Ben was a bit upset, saying that he would mow the lawn as soon as the yard dried out.

I thought that Dan was saying hello by sending me a little bit of extra sunshine.

Hard to see, but the buttercups extended for about a quarter mile down the block.

Remembering Dan on National Tabletop Day

Saturday was National Tabletop Day, an independent movement started as a way to celebrate the tradition of playing board games.  Once a “geeky” thing to do, playing tabletop games has been making a comeback. While video games are a lot of fun, there are certain components of tabletop gaming that can not be replicated no matter how many advances are made in graphics. Board games allow players an excuse to conversation while teaching math and other life skills.  Board games are among the first places where children learn to take turns, to count, to follow rules, to cooperate, and to build strategy.  Dan was both social and competitive by nature, and it is no surprise that he loved to play games.

Dan’s love for games started at a young age.  Trivial Pursuit, Pizza Party and Monopoly Junior were particular favorites.  Sadly, Pizza Party is out of print.  We played a lot of Don’t Break the Ice with our cousins at my grandparents’ Ocean City house.  As Dan’s interest in history grew, he started to play Risk.  Dan took games seriously, and did not like when other players were not giving their full attention.  To be fair, I do not think that anyone else in the family loved Risk so much that they would wear hats or yell. As we got older, we outgrew Candyland and Chutes and Ladders, and Dan became busier with his schoolwork and his busy sports schedule.  Yet at least once a year, we’d gather around the dining room table to play a game that one of us had received for Christmas. During one Christmas open house, we played a game of Phase 10, and as guests arrived or departed from the party, player #4 changed.  Yet Dan had a sassy comment for them all, and during most rounds, he beat them, too. 

FIshing Trip Poker

Dan enjoyed card games- especially poker, an interest that formed during his Penn State years and continued during the Red Baron Memorial Fishing trip and with the Five Points Hellfish.  Dan would sit on the corner of the picnic bench, with his cards on the table and his stash of pocket change next to his left hand.  (He was a lefty.) He had the best poker face.  While the other players would keep their change in their pockets or stacked neatly on the table, Dan chose to hold his in an old gym sock.  It was certainly safe there.  Ick! 

 

Settlers on the Porch

It was a card game that started my McLaughlin cousins’ tradition of playing games together at the shore.  We would settle down on the porch for a game of Uno as we waited for the tide to rise.  As these games usually had between 6 and 9 players, they could last for quite a while.  I can remember several nights where we played Uno Attack until the wee hours of the morning.  Another favorite was Settlers of Catan.  Dan would attempt to negotiate trade deals for resources in an attempt to build longer roads or bigger cities and became impatient with those who had better hands.  (This is where Pat earned the nickname “Wood Nymph.”)

Our last McLaughlin board game was a six-player game of Phase 10 Twist, which started around 11:30 PM.  In the heat, several of the players and spectators were also drinking “pixie drink” from a frozen bucket.   This may have contributed to the length of the game. Dan and I were tied for the lead, but by 2:00 in the morning, I finally threw in the towel.  Dan did a victory dance.  I told him that it wasn’t a victory, that I was just getting too old to stay up that late.  Ben, Shannon, and my cousins ran to bed as if they were afraid there would be a rematch. 

Dan passed along his love of playing games to his nephew, Diz.  Every  Christmas, Dan would give Diz a few “classic” board games that took me back in time and reminded me of when my brothers were small, and let me learn the joys of board gaming with my own child.  Dan’s last gift to Diz was Mouse Trap, which we played almost every day of winter break.  

I think of Dan every time I crack open up a game box.  There are several games in the basement that I never got to play with him, and that makes me sad.  I reached for my phone yesterday and wanted to send him a picture of Diz beating me at Go Fish, and cried a little when I realized that I couldn’t.  But I know that he would want us to still play games as a family.  

And tease Pat for being a Wood Nymph.

Phillies' Opening Day

Wishing the Philadelphia Phillies a great season!  Know that one of your biggest fans will be watching from above this year.  A true Philadelphia Fan- he yelled when you played lousy, cheered when you brought home a victory, organized tailgate parties, and enjoyed every minute of it. Win a few games for him this year, please!

A Smile on Your Two Month Anniversary

"Some courage and some wisdom blended in measure. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." - J.R.R. Tolkien

My brother Patrick posted this quote to Facebook the day after Dan died, and it fit Dan so well. We are blessed to have so much photographic evidence of him spreading cheer among our family and friends.

My brothers

I can't believe that it has been two months already.  Miss you, Buddy.

A Cow to Watch Over Me

My Breast and Liver Cancer Awareness Ribbon

A few months ago, I was looking for something that I could wear to work to promote liver cancer
awareness. While there is a lot of merchandise available to promote awareness for other cancers, liver is not one of them. After a week or two I didn't find anything that I liked, so I made myself something out of ribbon.

In the weeks since Dan has passed away, I have had many people reach out to me to offer condolences.  People have shared stories of their own loses, and this has made me feel much less alone in my loss.  Some of the things they have said have been very touching and moved me to tears. One recurring theme of the comments that I have heard was that I now have someone watching over me. The thought of someone watching over you is usually associated with images of angels.  So when I started looking for liver cancer jewlry again and saw this angel pin, this seemed appropriate.  But I hesitated in buying it.  This is not to be taken as an interpretation of Dan’s behavior.  He certainly knew how to have a good time, but better person with a bigger, kinder heart would be hard to find.

Whenever I see angels, I think of the St. Helena’s Christmas pageant.  Over the years, all three of us had a role in it.  When I was in seventh and eighth grade, I got to be an angel.  The following year, Dan came home from school and excitedly announced that he’d scored a role in the pageant.  Not an angel, or a shepherd, or a king… Dan had been given the role of the cow.  

Someone cried so much about the makeup that it wore off.

Dan’s excitement diminished somewhat when he saw the school’s cow costume: a grey sweat suit and a paper mask. Things got a little worse when we started to tease him and asked him to say his “line.” This would be followed by a dirty look and a muttered, “Moo.” (As the joke got old, it evolved into “Shuddup. Moo.”)

While my parents couldn’t get Pat and me to stop teasing Dan, they were not going to make him go onstage in a paper cow mask.  My Dad is very creative and had always made our Halloween costumes, sewing late into the evening after a long day at work.  In a few hours, he turned a pair of black pants and a shirt into a cute cow costume, complete with horns and a tail.  (This guaranteed that Pat would be cast as the cow a few years later, since it was known that the McLaughlins had the best cow costume.) Dan was a great cow.  He even tried to comfort the baby in the manger when he started to cry.

I do believe that now, Dan is at peace with the Lord, and that he is happy, and that he is watching over all of us. I am lucky to have him as an angel.  But I bet that he doesn’t mind that when people remind me that he is an angel, I smile and remember him as a happy little cow.  

Much happier when the pageant was over.