A Cow to Watch Over Me

My Breast and Liver Cancer Awareness Ribbon

A few months ago, I was looking for something that I could wear to work to promote liver cancer
awareness. While there is a lot of merchandise available to promote awareness for other cancers, liver is not one of them. After a week or two I didn't find anything that I liked, so I made myself something out of ribbon.

In the weeks since Dan has passed away, I have had many people reach out to me to offer condolences.  People have shared stories of their own loses, and this has made me feel much less alone in my loss.  Some of the things they have said have been very touching and moved me to tears. One recurring theme of the comments that I have heard was that I now have someone watching over me. The thought of someone watching over you is usually associated with images of angels.  So when I started looking for liver cancer jewlry again and saw this angel pin, this seemed appropriate.  But I hesitated in buying it.  This is not to be taken as an interpretation of Dan’s behavior.  He certainly knew how to have a good time, but better person with a bigger, kinder heart would be hard to find.

Whenever I see angels, I think of the St. Helena’s Christmas pageant.  Over the years, all three of us had a role in it.  When I was in seventh and eighth grade, I got to be an angel.  The following year, Dan came home from school and excitedly announced that he’d scored a role in the pageant.  Not an angel, or a shepherd, or a king… Dan had been given the role of the cow.  

Someone cried so much about the makeup that it wore off.

Dan’s excitement diminished somewhat when he saw the school’s cow costume: a grey sweat suit and a paper mask. Things got a little worse when we started to tease him and asked him to say his “line.” This would be followed by a dirty look and a muttered, “Moo.” (As the joke got old, it evolved into “Shuddup. Moo.”)

While my parents couldn’t get Pat and me to stop teasing Dan, they were not going to make him go onstage in a paper cow mask.  My Dad is very creative and had always made our Halloween costumes, sewing late into the evening after a long day at work.  In a few hours, he turned a pair of black pants and a shirt into a cute cow costume, complete with horns and a tail.  (This guaranteed that Pat would be cast as the cow a few years later, since it was known that the McLaughlins had the best cow costume.) Dan was a great cow.  He even tried to comfort the baby in the manger when he started to cry.

I do believe that now, Dan is at peace with the Lord, and that he is happy, and that he is watching over all of us. I am lucky to have him as an angel.  But I bet that he doesn’t mind that when people remind me that he is an angel, I smile and remember him as a happy little cow.  

Much happier when the pageant was over.